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This page is rated T for Light Profanity, Moderate Depressive Themes, and Light Suggestive Content.



Words not to say: ####
JUST WRITE, DAMMIT

Hi Mom. Please ignore the scribbles at the top. This whole thing is going to look kind of messy, but I've told myself that I won't stop writing no matter what, so I'm not going to get rid of anything, no matter how terrible it looks. I did scribble over some things, though…^^;

So you're probably wondering by now "why did Rane send me a letter when she lives in the exact same house with me and we talk to each other every day?" The truth is…I haven't always been telling you the truth…not the whole truth. And I can't make myself say this out loud, so I'm writing it down so it'll get to you. Because you deserve to know. You're my mother. I love you. I don't want to keep keeping secrets.

The first thing I need to say is…

…I've been sneaking out at night to help Crimson Lightning. If you've ever wondered why, every so often, I seem really tired in the morning, it wasn't because I didn't sleep well, at least not usually. It's because of this. You probably knew about this already, because Dad's part of Crimson Lightning and he probably tells you about what happens there, but I need to start somewhere. I just needed to start with anything I could think of, so here this is.

There's another really important and related thing that I need to tell you, but I'm feeling super awkward right now, so let me tell you something else. Um…what can I think of…oh wait. I thought of something (and looking like a damn fool for writing stream-of-consciousness gibberish right in the text agh).

So…I've also been in a relationship with Sara. This isn't nearly as long as the Crimson Lightning thing. That's been for almost six years now. Sara's just been for more like…six months, maybe? Six months at the very most. That's another thing you've probably guessed, due to how much I hang out with her and how I talk about her. I still feel like I need to tell you, though, just to get these secrets out of my head. Oh and don't worry we are not doing anything nasty, don't get any ideas. I didn't mean it that way. We're just like somewhat over friends. That's all. Please, trust me. I swear I'm not lying.

…Uh, so next thing…I think I can finally say this…

I've been…

I've been…

I've been stealing from you. To help Crimson Lightning. The things that go missing…they're going missing because Crimson Lightning needs them and I'm too ashamed to ask. Ever since the time it started, when I thought it was just a little thing and you'd never notice and I'd never do it again…it's turned into something more. I'm sorry, I really am, but there they are. My words are written down here, and I can't undo it. It's done. If you want to hate me, you can. I just don't want to keep this from you any more. I want you to know who I am, even if what I am is just some kind of damned monster who's never going to get anywhere. I can't keep secrets any longer.

I don't remember anything more I wanted to say, but…

…I feel so much better having written all this down. I don't feel weighted down any more. I feel like I could tell you things again if I remember more that's hidden away in the dark, and it won't hurt me. I know you haven't even read this letter yet, but when you do, I just wanted to thank you for being there. Even if you realize that I've been being really terrible, I still love you. And I don't want to be so far apart from you again.

Love,
Rane

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